When I first entered college, I met my best friends freshman year: the Honors Posse. Originally this consisted of eight people, but was shortly narrowed to six.
Although we are sadly not nearly as close, three of them are graduating tomorrow.
I decided to come home for Mother's Day, not thinking about how I may not get to see these three people ever again.
I am regretting my decision.
I'm also regretting not being able to go out to the bar and dance, which Riki and I have done for about the past month every weekend and which is the funnest (>most fun) part of my week.
Lastly, I'm regretting that I don't get to see a guy who I've seen a couple times. I'm not sure about where we're going or if we'll go anywhere, or even if I want to go anywhere, but I feel a little lonely and wouldn't mind having him around.
I continue to want what I used to have and what I can't have.
I am happy I have the best friend in the world (GiGi), but I miss so many of my other friends.
I wish life were easier, from a relationship standpoint at least.
Anyway, I would write more, but I don't know who will read this, I am a bit tired and I feel like if I opened up a bit more that a flood would occur. So, I'm going to stop soon.
Oh, I feel like I'm moving further away from God again too. It seems to be a common occurrence towards the summer.
Can I just have a little happiness that I'm not worried, scared or anxious about? I don't think I ever will, just because of my personality and psychological disorders, but it seems so nice.
I feel like if I wrote a book about my life, that people would actually read it. But, I don't know if I could deal with some of the emotional trauma.
Ugh, why does my mind have to wander so much? Why can't I just be a dumb, non-introspective, insensitive, uncaring person? It seems like it would be so much easier.
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